APONKYE 301: Developing A Dead Goat Syndrome

Dead Goat Syndrome

Ever since President Mahama talked about having a dead goat syndrome, I have received calls from world leaders and leaders at all levels of government down to student leaders and even parents on what it is and how they can also develop this famous syndrome.
To those who do not know the origin of this syndrome, it comes from a famous African proverb which says, "A dead goat is no longer afraid of a knife" or better still in pidgin, "Dead goat no dey fear knife." But the syndrome was discovered on 11th March, 2015 in Botswana but investigations are still on-going as to whether the origin of this syndrome is the Flagstaff House or somewhere in Botswana. The first of it's kind in Africa, but other people like Jack Bauer, Saddam Hussein and a whole lot of hard guys have used similar syndromes.
But what makes it special is, a head of state is using this syndrome, first of the kind in world history.
As a special friend and insider of the president, I like to share with you simple ways of developing this syndrome. Care must be taken while developing this syndrome.

DEVELOPING THE SYNDROME:

1. You must be a leader.Young and energetic.Should be able to adjust to new trends quickly.

2. Your favorite song should be Daddy Lumba's Yentie Obiaa. You should be able to dance to the song and also dance to the tune anywhere you hear it. It motivates you a lot.

3. Learn to comment on everything, including allegations from the grassroots. Even if it is not needed let your voice be heard. It lowers your crowd fright.

4. Learn to use words or phrases such as, "purposeless lamentations", "ungrateful." A constant use of these words help build your eloquence. Don't insult 

5. You should love traveling. Observe how other people apply this syndrome and improve upon yours. This is called research by traveling.

6. When your followers protest, ask your surbodinates to take on to social media and tease them. It sacks them to go home. This is called Linguist authority.

7. Just when you have had enough their nonsense in just a few years of your stay in power, refer to
Point 4.This is called, Application  of Previous Knowledge.

8. Your followers would talk about it like they didn't expect it. Go to point 2. This is called Ignoring with Music. The power of music.



This brings us to the end of this course.

But please note:
If your position is one that needs election, don't think of contesting again.
If yours is fixed like being a parent, make sure you have enough money for your burial else the vultures in my grandfather's village would feast on your carcass. But do you even care?  After all you are dead and you won't feel it. Massa forget them.