A Letter to CAF: My Heartfelt Gratitude

Gyan and Boateng couldn't hide their joy.

Dear Sirs,
This is a son of Africa with South American origins writing to you. Ghanaian by birth, Nigerian by default and Brazilian through slave trade. It is Nii_ooo_Nii again in your mail. I hope you remember me vividly. In case you don't then this is just a recap: In October 2014, I sent you a petition on why Ghana should be turned down in our bid for AFCON 2017 titled, A Letter to CAF and made noise again with  AFCON and EBOLA: WHERE LIES CAF'S PRIORITY?. Yes!! now I hope the name rings a bell.
Today, has been a great day for Ghanaians all over world ever since we heard of our inability to secure the bid for AFCON 17 and it's on this note I once again write you this letter on behalf of all Ghanaians except my president, his ministers and some heartbroken football fanatics, to express our heartfelt gratitude for taking into consideration the concerns we raised in our petition. Schnapps and kola nuts we have none, but a heart full of gratefulness is what we present at your altar.
I told you of the likely power crisis you would face if you come here in 2017. As I write this letter, I am in total darkness and I do not foresee a light-free soccer fiesta. The problem is worse now as people receive lights for 12 hours and then plunged into darkness or power outages for 24 hours. Nothing has improved in the country except the creation of a new ministry, Ministry of Power,  reshuffling of our ministers and a few sackings here and there. Aside that, our cedi keeps falling with the force of gravity and the kitchen gets hotter day by day, the reason our president comes out of it to take in a little air. We are still at the door of IMF knocking, seeking for a bail out while funds continue to be misused. So with which money would we use to host the event? Mr. Woyome's judgement debt? Never!!!!!
We live in a country where light is provided only when there are football matches and during holidays. But we rarely get sufficient power for production. The economy, they say, is the world's most enviable economy and no two ways about that, we are envied for autonomous consumption. Why won't we rejoice at this news?
If Ghana had won the bid, there would have been a massive Brazil-like demonstration on the streets of Accra just because we feel we are economically and psychologically unfit for such a big event. But our ministers would also have gotten the chance to keep their social media followers updated with 'encouraging' quotes. Through the wisdom God bestowed on you, you turned down our offer like we pleaded and it has been partying all day long. We are forever grateful Sirs.
 I don't want to bore you with long talk. Just want to thank you once again on behalf of all Ghanaians for putting smiles on our faces and saving many from deaths.
I would like to put a happy end to this letter. Anytime you drop in Ghana just pass by my house for some cup of tea.
Till we meet again in Gabon, it's been I, your noble talkative. Shalom

Yours Bavardly,
Nii_ooo_Nii