Open Letter to Nana Addo

Your Excellency-Elect,

Greetings from Lartebiokorshie, an area which was as quiet as dead ever since you were declared winner of this year’s national elections. Oh, don’t worry, that’s where Radio Gold and Montie are located so you should understand.

First of all, on behalf of all Ghanaians; short and violent people, divisive and arrogant, sick and old, non-potential presidents and everyone, we say congratulations for the great feat attained. We all know it is not easy to floor an incumbent president and it has not been easy pursuing a dream that long. We say ‘ayekoo!!’

Sir, I felt I should bring to your attention a few things of mutual interest. I know you promised a lot but I think you should face reality; your tenure ‘ain’t gonna’ be a smooth one cos there’d be high expectations from you. This letter would be very concise as possible.

Nana, first thing you should be circumspective about is your ministerial appointments. There are so many thirsty party officials who would be looking forward to being appointed. Sir, I beseech thee to choose the right people irrespective of their party affiliations.

One person you should retain is Hon. Dzifa Gomashie, Deputy Minister of Arts, Culture and Tourism, she is very good and retaining her or making her the main minister would see an improvement in the arts, culture and tourism sectors. Haters would say make John Dumelo and MzBel deputies.

For someone like Papa Kwasi Nduom a.k.a Edwumawura, he’s already said he would not want to serve under any government. He wants to be president, which would be another topic for discussion, but all I’m saying is, get competent people to do the job. Koku Anyidoho and Kofi Adams can be Ministers for Communication and Figures if you don’t mind. Kwame Dzokoto of Edziban would make a very good minister for Food and Agriculture. The Gbese Mantse would be a good choice for the Chieftancy Ministry.

Sir, we are fascinated by your accent, the more reason why most of the young girls and first time voters voted for you. We, the Wanna-Be Community in conjunction with the LAFAS (Locally Acquired Foreign Accent Society), would like you to introduce a course called Accent 101 into the education system as a liberal course. Because of the Mahamaic Crisis, most of our celebrities have lost their accents.

The Jay-Foley and Yvonne Nelson-like accents which are still active are not helping some of us in Ghana at all, the kids are being corrupted with the accents. Some of us go ahead to copy them; my friend, Kossi Akplah, a big fan of Berla Mundi, got denied of a visa to America cos he could not identify the origin of his accent, he only copied her. We believe if we are taught to speak like you, we can also get the chance to visit the Madison Square Gardens or even drink tea with Ambassadors.

The issue of National Service Personnel still worries my heart. Nana your wind of change, Hurricane Onaapo as Jet Alan calls it, should blow everywhere. Some of them work very hard. Some too just sit in the offices acting as messengers and movie downloaders as though they are going to create a 30-in-1 DVD compilation to sell.

Nana, just see the lawn in front of the Flagstaff House, it's not presidential not to even qualify it as a lawn. The Wind of Change should carry those who idle in the offices to the field.

Let them direct traffic like others do. Make them work on farms to increase agricultural products to serve as raw materials for the agro-factories you've promised to build. There's so much work to be done, Nana, let's work and know that the allowance is deserved.

Nana, I guess by now you are preparing to take lunch from Aunty Becky but I’ve got one last thing for you. When you introduce the free education, please enroll those who still believed in the Comfortable Lead Theory even when all radio and television stations were showing different results for lack of knowledge, hearts are broken and people perish.

My humble plea, please restore the Instagram and Twitter accounts of MzBel, the careers of Wofa K, Kwame Dzokoto, Lucky Mensah, Praye and Agya Koo.

Your Excellency, I would like to take leave now. It was a pleasure having you read this letter. I definitely shall pass by your residence during the Christmas so that we discuss how to rebrand buses and place your pictures on them and possibly find ways and means to get Woyome cough out that money. 4 years is just a week from today.

On behalf of the Facebook Trolling Community in Ghana, we got our eyes on you. You can ask JM about us.

Yours Comfortably Leading,
Nii Onaapo Bavard